Being programmed as a child didn’t quite destroy me — Pittsburgh Lesbian Correspondents

CN: grooming, sexual violence, family secrets, cults, programmed,mental health, trauma

As a child, I was programmed ( or groomed) by my paternal grandmonster. He was a serial predator whose violent behavior was protected by the family. It is a horrific multi-generational story, one I am determined to expose to the light of day in order to stop the effects from continuing for younger generations.

Someday they will Google and find these posts. My niece and nephew, my first cousins once removed, my second cousins once or twice removed. Perhaps their children. They will not Google my name because they probably don’t know about me. My defiance of the secret keeping has rendered my existence a secret, the aunt in the attic. But this aunt has a blog and an ISP.

It can be tough to talk about being groomed as a queer person. It triggers stereotypes that are particularly painful for survivors. I would be grateful if being turned into a lesbian by groomer is the worst thing that happened to me,

I prefer to describe my experience as programming akin to the way a cult works. In my case, my grandmonster was the cult leader and the adults in my family either were programmed themselves or turned away. I can count the people who resisted…