Member-only story
They value me more when I am literally diminished, or why I’m not talking about my unexplained weight loss
I’ve been keeping something from you, and most people. I’m struggling with ongoing symptoms related to a potential GI disorder. That’s not the piece I held back — I’ve written about those experiences.
The part I haven’t mentioned is that I’ve lost 25 pounds since the spring.
<waits to see what you say> <- this is where people lean into comments like “that’s great” or “I wish I could lose weight” or “you look great” or some such reflection of diet culture and body negativity themes we’ve been stewing in since our uterine days.
I didn’t set out to lose the weight. It isn’t good and I don’t look great. Not so much because of the weight but because of the underlying reasons — mostly, that I’m not eating. About 50% of less of what I used to eat. Last night, Laura made hotdogs and tater tots. I ate half a hot dog, one third of a bun, and maybe six tots or so. That’s it. For the day.
It is medical. In August, I had 19 medical appointments as part of my search for answers. Most of me is pretty healthy, even the fat parts. The autoimmune element is very much on the table, but it may be my upper GI including how I swallow.
