‘We Just Forgot How to Care for Ourselves’ A Widowed Husband Reflects on the Toll of Alcohol Abuse on His Family

Content Note: Alcohol, depression, death, grief

In 2015, a woman named Heather completed the AMPLIFY Q&A and she caught my attention. This response in particular has stayed with me all of these years later.

What motivated you to take part in this project? I don’t talk about this part of my life a lot, and when I saw Sue’s post on FB, I thought, sure. I actually hesitated as to whether I was an ally or a member of the community, and then I thought, I’m doing it. I’m doing what I hate for others to do to me — I’m marginalizing myself as “not truly a part of the community” because I’m bi, but living a heterosexual lifestyle. It’s not OK. I am bisexual. I can contribute.

I was so sad to learn about Heather’s unexpected death at age 47 on November 16, 2022 I reached out to her husband Chris with a link to her Q&A and my condolences. We connected on Facebook. Chris has spoken openly about the impact of alcohol abuse on Heather’s health and his own history. He recently posted this essay on his timeline in the hope of reaching someone else who needs to hear/read this. And so I offered to publish it. Heather’s story and the stories of her surviving husband and son are part of the LGBTQ experience. You simply need to read her Q&A to see that. She was truly a part of our community and her experiences, for good and for bad, are part of our narrative. I grew up in a home with multiple…